ACCOMODATING FEAR
An eight-legged hairy crawling creature posted itself in the upper left corner
of the door frame outside my back door. I discovered it one morning on my way to my car. With my nine-month-old baby in my arms I opened the back door and there it was.
hanging on its oscillating web. It scuttled around the web for a moment and retreated
to a hole in the corner. I swept the webbing away with a broom and proceeded to my car.
The web was re-woven overnight so the next morning I repeated the same sequence of events. The third morning it was hanging there again. This time the arachnid did not scuttle, it did not retreat and it displayed what appeared to be the signs of a jumping spider. I, with my baby in my arms, diaper bag on my shoulder and purse on the other arm, withdrew from the back exit and took the front door to trek the long way to my car.
I duplicated this scenario for three additional days until the fourth day; it was pouring rain.
As usual I peeked out the back door at the ever-growing spider and its expanding web.
I agonized over whether to leave my home through the front door or the back door.
I was seriously considering taking my baby through the front door into the rain to take the long way to my car which was only four feet away.
Fear does not have a mind of its own, I allowed it to use mine. That’s how it thrives, it uses our minds against us. The fear had been making decisions for me, and it exaggerated my perception of the thing I was afraid of. Any attempt to face it appeared to be a monumental task. I began to live my life in a way that accommodates the fear. I rationalized it as reasonable. It was not only changing the way I lived but it was changing who I was. This was no longer about the spider.
My attention was focused on it as an enormous undertaking and as an obstacle. Not as a situation of fight or flight as we understand the true meaning of fear to be. Realistically the Spider was average size and common for the area. But there was something uncomfortable about this situation. It was fear of a different kind known as uncertainty, doubtfulness and lack of confidence. Because of it I wasn’t sure of my ability to remove the obstacle from my doorway. I lacked the courage, fearlessness and guts to create a safe pathway. A metaphor for the life I would live if I didn’t conquer it.
This is the kind of fear that has the potential to actually change who you are meant to be. It prevents the seeds of your mission, purpose and dreams from reaching fruition. It changes your growth and evolution into something different that stunts and alters your forward progress.
Imagine an apple seed that doesn’t transform into a tree that gives us apples. That analogy is ridiculous but think of it, what use would it be if we were not able to enjoy the benefit of the fruit. It would be just another tree that missed the point of its mission. Obviously, a tree cannot have doubt, uncertainty and a lack of confidence, but we can and do very often in our lives.
What if great spiritual leaders, doctors, teachers, policewomen and men or military service men and women had accommodated their fears? Or artists, poets and musicians had done the same. We would have leaders who did not give us leadership, doctors who did not give us healing, protectors who did not give us protection, or service men and women who are not in service. And artists who didn’t give us art, poets who didn’t give us poetry, musicians who didn’t give us music.
Fear has various forms, fight or flight, anxiety, worry, uncertainty and doubt to name a few. But fear, like all emotions, are mental and emotional tools. Given to humankind to assist us in “self-reflection and self-evaluation”. So that we mature and evolve, to meet our purpose, dreams, passions and missions. Making that transformation to give all that we have. If we avoid accommodating our fears.